Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
