Screwed.edu
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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