@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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