I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
