I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
