Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
