burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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