she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
