Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
