oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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