So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
