How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
