the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
