There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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