I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
