No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
