No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
