i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
