the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
