I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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