you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
