I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
