brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
