My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
