I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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