so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
