...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mom said you looked used
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
