Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
