I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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