No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
