You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
