Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
