Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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