If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
