just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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