I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
