worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
