It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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