Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
