I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
