is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
