Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
