so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
