I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
