Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
