"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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