cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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