i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
