i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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