i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
