Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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